Thailand

The place I never planned to go, but whose special memories, people, and lessons helped me heal an unexpected breakup

December 23, 2025 – February 7, 2026

Koh Lanta: the unexpected Christmas gift that started my journey to healing a heartbreak

I had been dating and living with my German ex in the Philippines for the last 7 months, and an unexpected and devastating break up landed me in Thailand in late December. I had been excited to spend the holidays together, and when we broke up just a couple weeks prior, I couldn’t have been more grateful that a couple friends invited me to join their trip to Thailand for the holidays instead.

We decided on 10 days in Koh Lanta. I wanted a place that was laidback and not too touristic, but still with people around. In my current state of mind, I didn’t feel like sitting on a beach in sadness contemplating my thoughts, and instead, felt like a bit of distraction would be nice.

And so, we arrived in Koh Lanta.

Arriving in Thailand, I wasn’t in a good state of mind. I had a long 9 hour layover in Cebu airport with my friend Alejandro, and I remember sitting on the airport floor for hours just crying. It was a low point of mine. Two days later on Christmas morning, I had a therapy appointment and was still finding myself sobbing for an hour.

It was beyond unexpected then, when that night, Christmas night, I decided to join my hostelmates out for what I thought would be a casual drink, ended in a proper night out and eventually with me, and a boy, Elie, on a beach. I couldn’t believe it myself - from spending an hour crying in the morning over my ex, to saying fuck it and just living in the moment that night.

It was honestly a strange and difficult time for me. Everyday I grappled with my feelings towards my ex, both positive and negative, and processing the relationship. In moments, I found happiness. With my friends, with being on holiday, with Elie. And in other moments, I was really down. Upset about all the things that happened, sad that it had ended. It was honestly a really hard and confusing time.

And with Elie, it was surely too soon for me to meet somebody and I know I wasn’t showing up as my full and normal self. But in other ways, it was a good distraction and reminder of what it feels like to be with somebody a bit more normal. And honestly, I was just happy to not think too hard about things, and just to live and let things be as they are.

Overall, the time in Koh Lanta was about as a good of a beginning to healing as I could have wished for. I was deeply appreciative for my friends who had brought me there and given me the love and support I needed at that time. I was lucky to have met Elie, who I eventually would have a nice little love story with. And overall, it was the perfect place with the right amount of distraction for that moment of my life.

Kaoh Sok: a little pocket of peace and beauty in southern Thailand

After 10 days in Koh Lanta, I made my way to Kaoh Sok, a spot in Southern Thailand encapsulated by stunning karst mountains. I stayed at a little accommodation in the middle of nowhere, called The Camper Lodge. It was a place where I felt uniquely at peace, a respite away from the busyness of the rest of Thailand, and like a small speck against the majestic mountains. A place to be away from it all, surrounded by nature.

The time there was really nice. A nice little friend group form amongst the few solo travelers there. I’ve learned over the years that I really enjoy places where you can have a friend group that hangs out and shares meals and some activities together, but still have the time and space to do your own thing.

And this was exactly what we had there. We mostly did our own thing during the day, but because there were so few people there and we were in the middle of nowhere, it was a really nice meeting ground for everyone to share meal times together with.

While Kaoh Sok was beautiful, I didn’t actually do much. I was sick for a couple of the days, and it wasn’t a bad place to just be and recover. There, I really just enjoyed being in peace and stillness at the property. With the quietness of the mountains, and the comfort of simple company around.

Koh Phayam: a perfect week with a great group on a tiny, hidden gem of an island

After Kaoh Sok, I meandered my way to Koh Phayam. Koh Phayam is one of those off the beaten track islands that you can’t find much information about online. I managed to land there only because a friend of mine had heard about it as a little rustic, undeveloped, non-touristy gem. Exactly my kind of place. And so I set out without knowing much, only excited about what I could discover, and it was exactly the perfect type of place that I found there.

The week there was just about as good as it can get. I stayed at Tropical Hostel, essentially the only social hostel on the island. And immediately, I met some great people that would become a consistent and solid friend group over the week.

The vibe and pace there were exactly my kind of place. A place where you can have a solid friend group for the week, feel like you’re coming home to good people, always having people around when you want it, but also having your own time to do your own thing. And with the island so small, I didn’t feel pressure to do a lot of like I was missing out by not constantly exploring.

I got into a good routine of going to a cafe everyday to do my own work and write, and then see what my friends were doing for sunset and dinner afterwards. We had a couple party and exploring days, and it was the perfect balance of socializing, exploring, and also having my own time.

Since it’s a small island that nobody knows about without much to do, it really draws the same type of people as me. The type that are looking for a chill place to socialize, do their life, and live at a chill pace. Those that don’t need constant stimulus but are okay with moving slower and settling down for a bit. To just enjoy life.

Not only was it a great week because of the time with this group of friends, Koh Phayam itself was also an amazing island. It’s a small island, only about 15 minutes to drive from end to end on a scooter, but it’s packed with amazing places. There are coffee shops and restaurants with stunning views, combining localness with still nice experiences. Not too hipster, yet many places that were elevated but still local. They also had maybe some of the nicest and coolest bars I’ve experienced in Asia. In general, just some very unique and awesome places for an island so small and off the radar.

The week in Koh Phayam was truly great and unforgettable as one of my favorite times in Asia. I think about this week when I think of the environments that I really love to be in.

Koh Kood: a little honeymoon in paradise

Koh Kood was my little honeymoon. It’s funny because one of my best friends was planning his honeymoon at this time, and it made me realize that 5 days here in paradise with the French guy I had met in Koh Lanta, was also like a little honeymoon. But not only this, my friend put into good perspective that my whole life is like a honeymoon. After 2.5 years abroad it can be easy to forget this sometimes, and little reminders about how lucky I am, gives me a good nudge back to gratitude and reality.

So after 2 weeks of separate travels, the French guy and I met back up in Koh Kood to spend 5 days together exploring this little hidden paradise of an island. Koh Kood is an island near the Thailand and Cambodia border, one that’s very undiscovered and local.

The 5 days here together were pretty much perfect. We spent the days scootering around, exploring the island, swimming in the ocean, catching sunsets, and simply just enjoying the time together. We moved in a way that we saw the island, but also took things at a relaxed pace.

It was kind of a beautiful blossoming of 5 days together. Like a normal development of a relationship. At the beginning, you could tell that we weren’t that close yet. He was booking his bus to leave without a care if I was leaving with him or not, and I was completely okay with this. You could tell that we enjoyed each other’s company, but were still making our own independent decisions, not considering that we’d necessarily be spending longer together.

But as the days passed, we grew closer and closer everyday. We laid with our legs intertwined in a hammock catching sunset one day, and sat side by side enjoying it on a swing together, another day. At some point we brought up seeing each other again. And finally when it came time to decide if I was leaving with him or not to spend a last day in Bangkok together, it was a simple yes. I like that this brought a smile to his face. It was over these days that we realized how much we enjoyed each other’s company, and that we did care to spend more time together.

We smiled a lot. Laughed a lot. Cuddled a lot. Listened to music together. Laughed at his broken English together. We just simply liked being together.

After 4 days, we left and went to Bangkok where we’d spend a last day together before he left for Sri Lanka. The day together was lovely. And when it came time to finally say goodbye, I had a bittersweet feeling. I felt grateful for the time with him. Happy about it all. Beaming really.

I noticed that I felt a lack of anxiety during the time with him. A softening and a lightness in my chest. A feeling that to me, is important and worth noticing.

We talked about wanting to meet again, but that the next time he’d be free was in 6 weeks. As much as I knew I wanted to see him again, if there’s anything I’ve learned over the 2 years abroad, it’s that anything can happen. And so while I wanted to see him again in 6 weeks, I tried not to have too many expectations, knowing to expect the unexpected.

7 weeks later though, we did in fact reunite in Taiwan, and it was a lovely love story to be continued.

Chiang Dao: the unplanned adventure I’d always wanted

I went to Chiang Dao, a little off the beaten path town in the mountains of northern Thailand, looking to finally escape the tourist path and discover a little adventure. I didn’t know much about the place besides it’s a place that not that many people go, and that was all I needed. A place to be away, in nature, and hopefully meet other interesting people looking for a similar thing.

Finally after 3 days, I met my people. I had been staying at Thong Homestay, a very homey, local homestay where the host would cook dinner for everyone, and we’d all eat and hang out together in the evenings. On my last night there, there was a big group with a lot of newcomers, and it was amongst this group that I met two people that would give me one of my favorite memories of Thailand.

It was two crazy guys that had lived in Taiwan before, and being Taiwanese myself, we bonded over our shared experiences there. Not many people know about or visit Taiwan, so it’s always a nice and unique thing to discover in common! They had come to Chiang Dao for Shamballah, a 10 day hippie festival that happens every year. And for the few days before then, they wanted to go for a motorbike adventure through the mountains and local villages. It was exactly my type of adventure. On a motorbike trip, with minimal planning, visiting local spots nobody goes to. A true adventure.

While normally I don’t have plans and would easily hop on any sort of adventure like this with the right people, I unfortunately already had an accommodation booked for the next 2 nights. It was a little bungalow surrounded by mountains, and I had been really looking forward to the solo time where I could write and be in peace in nature.

Still the next morning, I decided I’d at least join for part of the trip. I packed my things for two days, but was uncommitted. I knew I could turn back at any point. But I also knew myself and that I would struggle with indecision for as long as possible, and probably end up saying yes to the adventure. And this was exactly what happened.

I ended up saying fuck it to the plans I already had and coming along for the full adventure. I don’t have an issue with bailing on already paid for plans, but it was that these plans were ones I was really looking forward to and I wasn’t sure that what I was setting out on was better. But c’est le vie.

When we reached the village on the first evening, I finally gave in and accepted that I was staying there for the night.

It was here that I had a moment that really stuck with me for the rest of the trip, even until now, a few months later. When we first arrived, we drove around for an hour looking for an accommodation. We stopped and checked several, all of which didn’t match our ideal criteria. Finally, we found one that wasn’t exactly what we were looking for, but was good enough. And while we all weren’t completely thrilled with it, I struggled the most. I had given up what was a great accommodation to be there, and I felt a little bummed that what we found was worse. My friends tried to convince me that though it wasn’t what we had in mind, it was a perfectly decent option, and the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can move on and enjoy the rest of the day.

I laid in a hammock thinking about this, and eventually I felt my body rest. Finally, I was accepting it. I felt myself relax, into myself, into the hammock, into the situation. I said fuck it, you guys are right, I’ve accepted the situation, it is what it is, I’m happy about it and I’m moving on now. It was a good moment to recall and remember how much better things get when you just accept the situation and make the best of it, instead of fighting it.

And after this, we continued a lovely night and exploration around town. Later that night, we had a bonfire and it was then that a conversation with my friend really stuck with me. We spoke about how the feeling of disappointment is often caused by unmet expectations. And why should we be holding these expectations so strongly? It’s normal to have some expectations but when the situation is beyond our control, perhaps we shouldn’t hold them so tightly and let them go more easily.

My friend said: So you can either sit here worrying about the future and things you can’t control, or you can choose to let it go, and just be here, in this moment."

And it was something that really stuck with me. Not just for that moment and the thoughts going through my mind right then, but as a theme and a learning in my life as of late.

I had been contemplating the many lessons from my breakup, and how one of the pieces of feedback my ex gave me, was that I held onto expectations too strongly. That I needed people and things to fit into my idea of my expectations in my head. That I didn’t leave him enough freedom to just be.

I realized that this was related to a problem I’ve had for a long time, of getting attached too easily. That I would have expectations for someone to behave a certain way, or things to go a certain way, and when they didn’t, I felt so strongly hurt and disappointed.

It was the reason I went to a 10 day silent meditation retreat 2 years prior. I had a short fling end, my first travel one, and I was trying to figure out why exactly I felt so devastated. Why did I take rejection or endings so much harder than it felt like I should have?

And while the silent meditation retreat helped and was absolutely beautiful, it’s funny that it took all the way until now, for the lessons to really hit.

So finally, I’m grateful for everything that’s happened over these last 2 years, all the highs but also all the lows and disappointments, that have finally led me to learn this about myself. That I’ve held too strong of expectations of others, and need to learn to let things go more easily. To not attach so strongly to people and things out of my control.

I’m grateful for this time. For this trip and the people I’ve met along the way that have made a lasting impact.